


A Complicated Bond

by artificialdevil



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Chitose is still straight but he's very confused, Dewa is aroace but that's only vaguely hinted at, Other, Queerplatonic Relationships, and so they have no idea what they are to each other, change my mind, entirely without beta so there's probably some awkward wording, these two are absolutely queerplatonic partners that have never heard of queerplatonic, un-beta'd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 04:16:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16736922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialdevil/pseuds/artificialdevil
Summary: If there are words for it, neither of them have learned them yet. Then again, they don't exactly need a label anyway.





	A Complicated Bond

Chitose had his first bout of gay panic when he was 15-years-old. The reason for said panic had no idea and had punched him in the arm for sitting there and staring at him like a moron. But how could he help it? Seeing Dewa laughing so openly like he had been just made his whole being go _'Well, shit...'_

But no. He wasn't gay. Neither of them were. Chitose had always liked women and Dewa... Well, he wasn't really interested in girls but he claimed not to care about boys either. Sometimes the line got really blurred between the two of them though. It was blurred by the way Dewa played absentmindedly with the ends of Chitose's hair when they were spending a lazy weekend sprawled out on the latter's bedroom floor. It was blurred by Chitose giving his best friend full-body contact hugs that weren't characteristic for male friends of their age. They both figured they'd grow out of it and act like normal friends once they'd matured a little.

 

They never grew out of it. If anything, they only blurred the line between friendship and something else even more over time. The moment when they both realized for certain that they were something besides just friends was the morning after Chitose went through a rough break-up with the girl he'd been seeing for well over a year. He had managed to drink all of the beer in the fridge at their shared apartment that night before curling up on the couch and calling for Dewa.

It hadn't been the first time that they'd laid together on the couch at night. But it was the first time they ever held each other like that, with Chitose sobbing into his friend's chest and Dewa rubbing soothing circles on his back. It was also the first time they spent a night sleeping on the couch that Dewa hadn't returned to his bed before morning arrived. And even through his complaining about how Chitose smelled like the back alley behind a bar once they were ready to get up, it was still clear that _something_ had become more uncertain between them.

' _It's like a crush, except not_.' That was the very helpful way that Chitose's brain had deigned to describe it. It had all led to another very short-lived moment of gay panic. Dewa really had to stop giving him those.

It was after all that that Chitose had started throwing himself into fling after fling with any pretty girls that he could manage to pick up. It was really more his depression from the breakup than his confusion about Dewa that led to it. But he'd be lying if he said he wasn't interested at first to see how his friend would react to him living in such a way.

Dewa had been irritated about it. But even more so, he was just disappointed. There was no real jealousy; just that he knew Chitose was better than that. Despite the heartbreak, the girls, the irritation and the disappointment, no rift grew between them. If anything, the two of them sought each other out even more. While they kept the physical contact to a minimum when in public as they always had, it was still easy to tell how close they remained.

 

They never really talked about it. Neither of them had the words to. There was only one time, not that long after Mikoto had died. Maybe they were both feeling a little vulnerable and sentimental. Chitose had rolled over onto his side while laying on the couch in their apartment, head propped up on his arm to look at Dewa who was lounging in their beat up armchair. “Do you like me?” he asked.

“You're insufferable,” was the deadpan response he received. “And I don't have to like you anyway; I'm stuck with you.”

“Damn right ya are.” That got a little laugh out of Dewa at least. “But no, seriously. Do you...?”

A heavy sigh left the younger man's lips and he needlessly adjusted his glasses as he thought about it. “I wouldn't say that,” he said, mumbling slightly. Dewa could tell that the other man was serious though, and if they were going to talk honestly about this... whatever this was, it would be better to say everything that needs to be said rather than drag it out. “More than that; I love you. Probably.”

“Wait, shit really-? How long-” But Chitose was cut off before he could finish asking.

“I love you. I'm not _in_ love with you.” This was awkward to say, not to mention embarrassing and Dewa wasn't meeting his eyes.

“Oh...” After taking a moment to absorb that, Chitose gave him a smile. “I'm not in love with you too!”

“Thank you,” the darker haired man's voice was dripping with sarcasm but he more or less understood what Chitose wanted to say.

 

That was as close as they ever really got to talking about it. And it was the closest accurate description either could think of: _Love, but not_ in _love_. You would think that after all these years of being stuck together, they would have figured out a word for it by now. Or learned one from somewhere else. But if there are words for it, neither of them have learned them yet. Then again, they've never really needed labels anyway.

Maybe it's a complicated bond. Maybe no one else will really understand it. Maybe they don't even fully understand it themselves yet. None of that _really_ matters at the end of the day, not as long as they're happily stuck with each other.


End file.
